Carlin has 2 pets
Pet 1: Her name is Frangelica, but goes by Franny.
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Franny should be studied by science, and this is why:
She is soft. She is sweet. She is nice. Franny's nose is a rare mushroom and her body is a perfect holiday ham. She has wet eyeballs and a very small head. Franny has an innate sense of interior design with an emphasis on sculpting laundry into excellent napping shapes. Franny likes to drink water. Two bowls in the house at all times and she likes that water very fresh. Franny was adopted by Carlin from the Greater Humane Society of Savannah, Georgia in August 2018, and she brought the following toys with her: the pink baby (RIP), the guy (still with us) and the rubber garbage chicken (RIP). Franny also retains several nicknames: beautiful body girl, potty girl, ravioli man, the muffin man, pumpkin in the wind, boo boo baby, bossy baby and little. Franny wants to remind you that it's OK to be cute; being cute is allowed, and don't ever let anyone ever tell you that you can't be cute. Finally, Franny should be studied by science because not only does she have feet, but she also has soft hair on top of the feet that's also cute. Thank you. |
Pet 2: He's a lizard I found in a bush.
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I was taking Franny for a walk in late 2019 when I saw a lizard who appeared to be living in a bush at the time. Other than discarded chicken nuggets and dog poop, this particular neighborhood in the heart of Los Angeles is not known for its wildlife. I sensed right away that this raisin creature was an escaped or (sadly) discarded pet-store-variety lizard: what's often called a bearded dragon (although, he had nothing close to a beard at the time). He was very smol. He was very tired. And he had brown wrinkles.
I was dumped via text message by a sitcom actor a few days prior, so I proceeded to do what anyone might do in my situation: put on some gardening gloves, grab a shoebox and proceed toward the bush. Truthfully, it was a very rainy, very wet early winter, and another day in that shrubbery would've rendered the lizard soggy toast; I couldn't leave him there to suffer the cold. As I waded into the foliage, we made eye contact... and perhaps sensing my recent break-up, the little homie did not bite my face off. Instead, he reached out to me. Yep; with his weird little hand. The moment was strange and perfect, and unexpectedly beautiful: I was surrounded by Koreatown trompe l’oeil and turquoise stucco, with half my body all up in a decorative bush, holding hands with a baby lizard. I planned to give him to an elementary school teacher in need of a class pet, but the COVID-19 lockdown thwarted those plans and I got to watch him grow instead. Years later, he at least tripled in size, and as I was told on this extremely friendly online community forum – he's my dragon now. He also changed color; from yellowish-mud pie into Hermes orange with purple stripes Birkin bag. He likes mealworms, carrots, banana and zucchini. Also! (update) pea shoots. I never thought I'd own a reptile, let alone love one this much. I feel very lucky to have found this endlessly fascinating creature. If you have any interest in meeting him, especially if you want to overcome a fear of reptiles of any kind – please let me know! He doesn't bite, and will make you laugh. ~R.I.P.~ Moondog passed away in January 2024 from complications related to an undiagnosable tumor. He is buried at a cliff's edge surrounded by juniper, peppercorn and Joshua trees in Acton, California. ~ |
